I remember when I first met you, I’m not even going to lie to you,
The moment I laid eyes on you, I was hypnotised by you.
As I look down at your thighs, all I could think about was the things I might do,
If I could be alone with you, at home on my own with you
So I started to get bold with you, acting like I was older too…
Every time we got together and such,
You told me you were tender but I knew you had a venomous touch,
I knew you were way out of my league but it was never enough,
So I just kept coming back for that adrenaline rush.
Then we got together daily & you taught me to see the world differently,
You took my childish naïvety & held my eyes over the fire
Until you burnt away my desire for mystery.
I knew that you were dangerous because when I told people I was seeing you
They told me to keep my distance, I just thought they couldn't see what I could see in you.
You were always there when I needed you, you told me that other girls weren’t good enough,
That I could only get what I need from you.
That I would never find a relationship worth its cost or complication
So I should make self gratification my pursuit and destination.
But as days turned into weeks, weeks into months I started to get frustrated,
Despite your talk and your temptation,
Your body without blemish and pixel perfect presentation,
I never once left your presence without the sense of being vacant.
Like a house that no one lives in.
Every time I would submit to your seduction,
I was sentenced to a prison, with bricks made of lust,
With an infiltrated vision where I could only see women
As beings built for my seduction but unwilling in their submission.
I was blinded by your beauty, too naive to see,
you had the power to ruin me and pull apart my family.
That was until I found a reality that has crucified my fantasy,
And that's all that you ever were.
Did I tell you I met a girl?
She's my wife now and you’ll never be anything but a shell of her.
That's the reason that it’s been a while, that's the reason we don’t talk at all,
That's the reason I can’t even look at you or pick up despite the times you call.
Coz all you ever had to tempt me with was the desire to take a fix,
That would distract me from a brokenness, that could only ever heal
With patience, relationship, discipline and a whole lot of devotedness.
But I saw a friend recently and they said that they’ve been seeing you now,
I can’t let you leave another person bent double, beaten and bleeding out.
I know it’s taken me some time but I’m finally speaking out,
Coz your strength is fashioned in the shadows but you are not a secret now.
Your name is porn, yeah you take many forms, but you do nothing but wrong.
For in the heart of every human is the authentic desire to connect and to belong,
Now I have discovered over the years that intimacy is our most natural song and
All you’ve ever been is muted screams behind computer screens,
That deny, delay and defute the dreams of being loved by someone.
I regret the days we spent together and how I let you corrupt my mind with your image,
But the story isn’t over,
I have a life, a future, it is beautiful
and you’re not in it.